How to Spot a Pet Human

Greetings, Loki fans! Today I, Eva, resident pet human extraordinaire, am writing a guest post, and I'm really excited to be here!

I thought I'd spend a couple of minutes talking about how to identify a pet human in the wild, among the myriad of other non-pet humans walking, driving, or cycling around.  Here are some clues that the human you're looking at or talking to might be a pet human:

1.) The human is covered in animal hair, and doesn't seem to be aware of it.  Are they leaving a little trail of cat/dog/hamster/ferret hair behind them? Does it cover their clothes, purses, backpacks, coats, scarves, mittens, and accoutrements like yoga mats? Yes? Then that human is likely some happy dog's/cat's/hamster's/ferret's pet human.

2.) Do they talk incessantly about their little Snoogie Woobikums and force you to look at dozens of pictures of their owner cat/dog/hamster/ferret/tortoise/goldfish sleeping, eating, burping, or just sitting around? Yeah, that's a pet human.

3.) Are they carrying around bags and bags of expensive food, treats, hamster balls, heirloom catnip seeds, real-looking fake mice, and water fountains? Pet. Human.

4.) Are they not watching where they're going because they're too busy staring at the dog/cat/hamster/ferret/squirrel/mouse/lizard/iguana/turtle/racoon crossing the road and exclaiming how cute it is?  Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah, you guessed it.  That's someone's pet. (The human, that is.)

5.) And finally, do they accost you while you're walking your owner dog/cat/rabbit/porcupine/armadillo, pet it with or without permission, ask how old it is, and generally exclaim over its precious precious preciousness? Then you've met a fellow pet human.

Well, what are you waiting for? Make a date to walk your owner dogs/cats/hamsters/canaries/naked mole rats/stinkpot tortoises together--it's the best way to make a new friend!